Wednesday, October 30, 2013

PTSD and the Confession That Leads to Freedom

(Psalm 118:6)  The Lord is for me; I will not fearWhat can man do to me?

        Something I realized recently, is that my post traumatic stress disorder was a sin.  I knew that as a Christian, I should fear God, and then fear nobody or nothing else!  And for the most part, I had confidence in God and trusted Him to look after me.  Except for my PTSD, because I thought, no-no - THAT is just a condition I just have to deal with because it was a result of something that happened years ago.  And I had already dealt with that by forgiving my persecutor, asking God to forgive them FOR me.  When I had done that, immediately I felt a weight lifting off of me.  And, immediately I could empathize and love them.  And, there was even was a sincere reconciliation.  So I thought I had done everything I could do on that issue.

       So it was while praying for someone else to be able to forgive their persecutors because it would bring freedom to them, not the persecutors, that I thought, "Wow, they're kind of bragging about what they went through saying, 'But what I went through was just SO terrible that I cannot bring myself to forgive them!'"  And then it hit me - "Wow, Tanis, look at the log in your own eye!"  I was basically saying the same kind of thing, bragging that "What I went through was so terrible that I'm now struggling with PTSD!!!"  And so what???  I can trust God to protect me in life, with everything, everywhere, but I can't trust Him to protect me from the fear of the possibility of something happening?  So, I can't trust God to protect me from - NOTHING???  That is a sin.  "LORD forgive me!  I confess my sin of not trusting You!!!"

         Immediately, I felt a weighting lift off of me.  And when I got home from my walk-and-talk-with-God, the Tanis-just-a-few-minutes-ago would have locked the exterior door (as one should), but then I would have gone into the bedroom and locked the door, and then into the bathroom and locked the door, and then during my shower - turn the water on - then off - "What was that???" - continue - no, WAIT!!! - etc...  But the now-Tanis came inside, locked the exterior door (as one should), went into the bedroom - I'll just leave the door open!  Went into the bathroom - I'll just leave that door open!!!  Showered in peace.  No interruptions!!!  Wow!  God was faithful to deliver me from that bit of insanity!!!  Thank you, Lord!!!  He is so amazing!!!

(James 5:16)  Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

(1 John 1:9)  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

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